Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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