If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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