I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
