He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
