from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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