worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
