Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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