he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
