Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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