well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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