We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
