the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize