I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
