did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
