So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
