All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
