yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
