Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm too high and old for this...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
