I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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