you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
