you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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