New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How naked do you want me to be?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
