Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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