You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
