Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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