Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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