I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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