I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
