bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
