Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
