If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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