Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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