the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
