she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
