I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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