Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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