every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
