I wish I only lived at night.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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