I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
