and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
