stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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