what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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