I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
