im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
