There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
