We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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