I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
