At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
