Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
