but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
