I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
