I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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