Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
