3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
