I hate your face
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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