Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
