I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
