We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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