have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize