You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
