he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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