I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
