Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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