You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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