What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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