You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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