I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
