I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it was like eating out sand paper
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I deserve this hangover.
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