I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
