This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
